So, I planned a Mommy getaway – away from work, home, kids – all of it. Just a few days of no responsibilities – no emails, calls, texts – no laundry, packing lunches or scrubbing toilets. No “mom, mommy, mom, mom, mom.” Just a few days of clear freedom and Sarah time.
Oh, it took a ton of work to get to it. I don’t know if you all have ever taken some days off at work, but sometimes the worst part about taking a few days off is the preparation to take days off. It’s mainly because that is just who I am as a person so I try to have everything together so I can actually enjoy my time away and not worry about what I will have to walk back into.
Not only that, but I needed to make sure that my babies were all set – clothes were clean and ready to pack – schedules of sleepovers and coordinating drivers for a birthday party so my girls would not miss out on anything when it was time to go.
And then came my house, certainly I did not want to come back to an overwhelming mess. So, I took the time to make sure the dishes were in the dishwasher and I could start it at the very last minute so as to make sure that every dirty dish was in it. Because, I don’t know about you, but I absolutely hate those straggler dishes that show up just after I pushed the button to start it.
Finally, I was ready to go. But there was one thing that I forgot to prepare for: the guilt.
“Mommy, do you HAVE to go?”
Ugh. Well, technically, no. No, I do not have to go. No one is forcing me – it’s not for work or anything like that. I could just cancel it and stay. I don’t HAVE to go.
But, honestly, I NEEDED to go. And, well, I deserved to go also.
Because sometimes, this life gets completely overwhelming. Because, we moms, we carry so much — the entire weight of the world on our shoulders – we take care of all needs and wants of everyone at home and at the office. And sometimes, we just need a few days to reset, rest and take care of ourselves. We need and deserve a break.
Rather than try to explain that to two sweet girls who only saw that their mom was willingly leaving them for a few days, I realigned the conversation and told them just how missed they would be, but went over in great detail the events laid out for them for the next few days.
Then, together we packed up their items; Maylie carefully set out everything that she could possibly need in a month’s time. No really, she had 3 bags, pillow, blanket, baby doll, baby doll car seat – the whole ordeal. Reagan threw two nightgowns in a bag and thought she was set. Ha! Oh, the difference in these two children!
So I thinned out Maylie’s bags slightly and stuck some outfits and necessities in Reagan’s (which she did leave in there but made sure to make me aware that it was a lot of clothes and unnecessary).
Then, when GG (the first stop of the sleepovers) came and picked them up, I flooded them with kisses, hugs and reminders that I loved them so very much. And as she drove away and the guilt crept up, I let it come and I felt it. Dwelled in it even for a few minutes.
But, then I stopped myself. I wasn’t doing it. Look, my babies were set, my job handed off, my house in decent enough shape to not come home to a slight panic attack. All was well – I had prepared enough – the world would run just fine without me for a few days.
Guys, I cannot even begin to express the calmness I felt in those moments of knowing I could just do nothing — no time restraints or responsibilities — just nothing, It was exactly what this Mama needed at the exact time that I needed it.
Look, Mamas, I am telling you to plan some time away — for you. It doesn’t have to be a long time – even just a few days. Not only will the anticipation of getting away drive you to get through even some of the worst days, but the feeling that comes the day you have put in all the work to finally enjoy it, will be more than worth it.
And do not, for one second, let the guilt of leaving your babies win. Because you do all the things all the time, and you, you deserve it.
And I, I know that, I, deserve it too.
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