At one point in my life, I remember wanting a boatload of friends. I mean, how awesome would it be to have so many people to hang out with who like me and want to be around me? I mean, more friends, more fun. Right?
But, I don’t know, maybe it is living in the middle of a pandemic or maybe just hitting my mid 30s that I realized that the more people I had in my boat, the more my boat started to weigh me down. Keeping up and being a good friend back is almost impossible with too many people in the boat, and walking on eggshells to not rock the boat is something I just don’t have the time or patience for at this age. Furthermore, those in the boat not rowing with me may as well be drilling holes in the bottom.
Quality over quantity. That is what I have learned lately. Choosing wisely who I let in my boat has done wonders for my growth as a mother, woman and friend myself. It has opened my eyes to what I actually want and need in my boatmates:
A simple text. “How are you?” It takes seconds to write. Just a reminder that I crossed your mind and you care. It doesn’t need to be daily — just sporadically — a mental check in during our crazy lives.
Encouragement. When I want to forego a workout or just be a bum, it’s that extra push to get me back on track. Accountability and a reminder of how good it will feel once I get it done.
Wine. Knowing just when I need it and being there to drink it with. And then telling me just how rough your child or husband was that day so I don’t feel like I am the only one. It’s making me feel human by sharing faults, stories and failures and reassuring me that we are all just doing our best.
Invitation. I don’t even care where we are going — my messy house or yours, a hike, a pumpkin patch, a walk or even an online party where we can sit in kiddie chairs and complain about items being out of stock. Just take me away for a few — even if we take all of our kids with us or leave them at home and get video calls from them the whole time we are gone. It’s still worth it.
Favors. I want to be wanted. Ask me for help (especially if I accidentally forget to offer it). Of course, I will help carry a couch in. Sure, your mother in law can borrow a pair of shoes since she only brought one pair and your dog chewed them up last night. Absolutely, your kid can come play so she doesn’t have to sit through her sister’s soccer practice.
Reminders. No, I didn’t turn in the soccer sign-up sheet yet. Yes, I would have forgotten about Reagan’s preschool graduation timeslot. And my favorite, that message reminding me that I am rocking this whole mom thing.
Love. Not just me, but my babies as well. Embrace them, encourage them, and learn that one may need a little extra push and the other needs a little more reigning in. Know how I raise them and have the confidence and reassurance in showing them your love in discipline.
Lastly, prayers. It’s me telling you that I am anxious about something and getting a prayer text back. Then, waking up the next morning to a Bible verse in my messages. Reminding me that not only are you there for me, but God is too. And being able to so openly talk about our faith and knowing that I got you too when you need prayers.
In fact, I got you too on all of the above. If you are in my boat, I pride myself in being in yours as well. I will row with you when you are strong and able, encourage you when you need it, and grab both oars if you need a break. We can jam to unedited 2000s greatest hits and then flip it to the Christian station and not miss a lyric. We can throw parenting ideas and tips at each other then tell our kid to stop being a jerk and smile at the camera.
When I started recognizing what I needed in my boat, it helped me learn what I need to offer in the boats of those who have welcomed me on board. And it made me realize that a full boat may not be moving me forward. Instead, it’s finding those few boatmates who pass along texts, encouragement, wine, favors, invitations, love and prayers — those who never hesitate to pick up an oar and help me (g)row.
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