Courtesy of Sarah Shrader
Do you know what can happen in 600 days? A whole lot. It has been 600 days since I had my last sip of alcohol. That means I have woken up every single morning for the past 600 days without any sort of headache or insane thirst or guilt of having one too many.
For the past 600 days, my mornings have been – well, still mornings – and always seem to come way too early. But they have been bright and welcoming. The messiness of past mornings where I was on edge and cranky has melted into blessed mornings where I have watched sunbeams overcome night skies as I sip my coffee and dive into my devotionals.
In the last 600 days, I have felt more feelings than I can remember feeling in the previous 20 years of my life – there has been nowhere to run – no escape to drown out hurt, sadness, disappointment or pain. But also, nothing blocking out the positive endorphins filling my brain from joy, laughter, friendship and fun. I have been able to fully feel every single speck of happiness that overcomes me.
In the last 600 days, I have gotten a chance to work on me – instead of trying to run away from who I am. I have been honest with myself and acknowledged my shortcomings – failing to calmly communicate when upset, jumping to conclusions and an intense need for control. Mindfully, I have been able to see when these things creep in and work on them. Have I overcome them? No way. Am I much further than I was 600 days ago? Absolutely.
And while these 600 days have revealed the parts of myself that I am working on, they have also opened my eyes to the best parts of me – the ones that I always shoved underneath the negative ones. If a relationship needs built, I am there with the hammer – communicating and weaving in relatable topics. Seeing the positive side of any situation and sharing words of encouragement are both things that make me who I am.
When something needs to be completed, I can and do take control – of the situation or task at hand. Control is a funny thing like that – can be terrible and can be rewarding. A lack of control – or feeling that spiral, can be suffocating, but relinquishing control can be breathtakingly beautiful. Finding the fine line has been a focus of mine these last 600 days.
Similar to the two sides of control, I am also full of passion. Two separate times in my past working career I had the word “passion” used on my year-end review. One year, I had a boss use it as one of my strongest qualities that made me a high performer – my drive and passion. Another year, a boss told me I had too much passion – I was, for lack of a better explanation – just too much.
Before these 600 days, I couldn’t piece together that puzzle – how could I be the same thing two separate years and pulled back for it one year while praised for it another. But these sober 600 days showed me that there is one thing in common both of those years – me – being exactly who I am.
And one thing these 600 days have taught me is that I like me. Are there still a million things I could work on to make me a better me? Yes, of course. But that doesn’t get to strip away the beauty of the person I am – even if I am, at times, too much. I have come to believe in me – who I am and what I stand for. As long as I am saved and following Jesus, kind, caring and loving – then my passion for life is simply enough.
I am enough. Sober and hanging on to my 30s by a thread. House never near as clean as I want it but full of cheerful giggles (and sometimes sibling squabbles). Past the fingerprints of slime and makeup all over the bathroom sink and another torn up stuffed animal by the pup, is a home for all my babies built on a foundation of happiness and love – and 600 days of getting to enjoy every single second of it.
600 days in a life worth living – one that I don’t have to or want to escape from. Six hundred days, which included ups and downs – tears and joy – and always an end-of-day prayer of thanks.
For my passion – and drive – to put down something that wasn’t for me and open my world up to all the beautiful things that could grow if I just stopped poisoning them. Six hundred days of staring in a mirror face to face, and being proud of that girl staring back at me.
Sober, too much and enough – 600 days of exploring and uncovering me. And I can’t wait to see the adventures and growth of the next sober 600 days.
Sarah (Pitson) Shrader was born and raised in Lima. She is a Lima Central Catholic and Tiffin University graduate. Sarah is a full-time working mama who enjoys writing about her somewhat crazy, always adventurous life as a mom and bonus mom. She lives in Bath Township with her husband, Lee Parsons, and their seven kids.
