This is the Bible verse on my new at-home office wall.
I have cried a lot this year. Like, a lot. And while I wish I could say that they have all been happy tears, I would be lying. My faith has been tested – I have believed that God would provide and then had moments of doubt – followed by moments of shame for my disbelief. But then ultimately knowing that God had this. All of it.
In January, after some realignments at work, I found out that my position was most likely being relocated to Texas. At first, I wasn’t even worried – come on guys, they aren’t going to move all of us. But, about six weeks later, some of us received an offer to accept a move or 60 days to find another position locally inside the company – or a severance.
My heart broke. For me – for my work family – my TEAM. Our lives were completely shaken up. Our options were to completely uproot our families or hopefully find something else. Regardless, we wouldn’t be together anymore – no matter how it all ended up.
I cried. A lot. There were a few nights that I just sat at the dinner table weeping while my kids stared at me like a lost little puppy. I promised them that it would be all right – that it was okay to cry! And that tomorrow I would put my big girl pants back on and be fine.
For months and months at that same dinner table, during our “highs/lows/thankful/prayer requests” as a family, my prayer request remained constant: my job and our future.
One thing I was thankful for was that leaving was not an option for me – I already had that answer. There was no way I was going to try to take these girls from their dad or Lee away from his babies. Watching the anguish on my co-workers’ faces as they wavered back and forth on what they should do, was the worst. I reminded them constantly that God had this. I spoke it out loud to them every single day.
And every morning I poured into my devotional and prayer – begging God to have this. For the most part, I knew He did. I continually thanked Him for things I didn’t even know He was going to do yet. I was certain He had it all figured out.
But I am human – and I would get impatient. Okay, God. Any minute now, if you could just show me the way please! That’s great that You got this and all, but what does it look like? For a month or so, I felt like a professional interviewer – here, there – everywhere. With an unknown future, I was led to looking around at different places.
With that, came more anxiety. God, what if I listen to Sarah and not You? How will I know what to do when it does come time to make a decision? I started praying that I would know when it came down to it. The applications, resumes, interviews were completed, and the waiting game began – and I just kept praying that I would make the right decision. I cried during these prayers as well – what if I messed it all up?
For months, I prayed, cried, apologized, shouted, apologized again, asked for guidance and direction, got impatient, was faithfully restored, worried again and felt like I was going to fail, and yet relied on the words that I spoke to my colleagues each day – the words from God. “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart.” Proverbs 3:5.
While I did land another job at the company I was at, it just didn’t feel right. There was another position at another company that just felt like it had God’s hand in it from the beginning. But the process was slow, and I couldn’t rely on something that was not yet there. More waiting and praying.
When I got the phone call and firm offer from them, I was at the ball field. It was abrupt and I needed to make a quick decision to supply adequate time to leave my company. I went home and read my Bible and prayed some more. I wanted a clear answer – this was the moment I had been praying for. And yet, all I kept coming back to was to trust in God. A leap of faith.
I put my two weeks’ notice in the next morning. Oh, I cried. But only because I was leaving a place I had called home for so long. The peace I felt through all of it, made me feel like I was heeding the answer that God placed in front of me.
This week, I started my new position. And while my dinner prayer requests and morning prayers have changed to guidance during the transition, they are also so full of gratitude and thanks. As I start this new adventure, I don’t know exactly how it will go, but I do know that all I have to do is trust God. Once again, as He always does, He has proven that He has got this.
Sarah (Pitson) Shrader was born and raised in Lima. She is a Lima Central Catholic and Tiffin University graduate. Sarah is a full-time working mama who enjoys writing about her somewhat crazy, always adventurous life as a mom and bonus mom. She lives in Bath Township with her husband, Lee Parsons, and their seven kids.
