This week, my 8-year-old asked me to brush her teeth for her. After telling her to brush her teeth at least 10 times, one can imagine how annoyed I was that she was yet again stalling. Just as I was about to remind her that she was 8 and could brush her own teeth, the thought crept into my mind – when was the last time I brushed her teeth for her?
It seems like yesterday that I was so giddy about her first tooth finally popping through at 9 months old – could barely even see it, but if I put my finger on it, I could feel the top of it pushing through the skin. For months I had been using the little rubber finger brush to brush her gums and I was ecstatic that I could finally switch to a toothbrush!
All through her toddler years, I helped her brush, then it slowly became monitoring to make sure she actually did brush – you know for more than 5 seconds and with toothpaste. By that time I was helping her sister brush and then monitored her as well – and clearly not the best as she is my cavity child (poor second child).
But it dawned on me that night, that I haven’t actually brushed my kids’ teeth in I don’t know how long. Like, I could not remember the last time that I brushed my babies’ teeth. The last time.
Oh, I can recall all the firsts – first words, first steps, first solid foods, first everything. But all the firsts became normal, day-to-day things and then dissipated into lasts before I even realized it.
And it broke my heart that night that I couldn’t remember the last diaper that I changed of theirs or the last time I spooned food into their mouths. When was the last time I put socks on their little feet? Or washed them in the bath? They do those things now. The little things that were daily things that somehow just went away. They were there for so long, that is, until the last time.
Now, don’t get me wrong, there are a few things I am not going to be mad about being the last time for including tripping over shoes in front of the door, reminding them that my house is cool in the summer because we close that same door, telling them to pick up their plate after dinner and constantly emphasizing that they cannot just throw their dirty laundry all over their room.
But honestly, while it seems overwhelming right now, just like it did changing a million diapers while they were babies, I wonder if I will even recognize the last time I have to prompt them to do those things too.
Sure, we are experiencing a lot of new firsts constantly; first time tying shoes, going off high dives, sleeping over at a friend’s house (and actually managing to stay the entire night and not have Mama come get them in the middle of the night), but with every single first, comes a last.
The last time I have to tie their shoes, the last time they need me to be next to them every second in the pool (although I am still not taking my eyes off of them), even the last time that they need me to wake up in the middle of the night and come get them from a friend’s house.
Nobody talks about the last time. It is typically not documented at all. Sometimes, it is because we never really know when the last time will be for some of these seemingly daunting daily tasks, and sometimes it is because it slips through our fingers before we even know it was the last time.
That night, I brushed my baby’s teeth — 8 years old and all and on top of it totally being a stalling mechanism – I soaked up the time making sure those teeth were fresh and clean. Despite my frustration of asking her 10 times to brush her teeth and it still not being done, I realized that I don’t know if my kid will ever ask me to brush her teeth again. And just in case, I did it anyway.
Then, I snuggled both of my girls until they were fast asleep. And once they were, I held them and wept. Not only did I go through all of their lasts (that I could remember), but I also realized that there would come a time when they would request for the last time that I lie with them at bedtime. And my heart broke. So, I vowed, then and there, to make every single memory between the first and the last — of all that we do — last.
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