Sand. Sand everywhere. I will not miss the sand all over my bathroom and in the bathtub. I will not miss putting the girls in the bath and rinsing them then draining it and rebathing them. And mosquitoes — I certainly won’t miss those dime-sized red bumps that pop up on my babies (and myself) if we happen to stay out just a bit too late.
You see, summer is coming to an end. Therefore, I have to remind myself of the things I soon will get to live without so I don’t get too sad about leaving summer behind. Because that’s how I manage saying goodbye to one of my favorite times of the year.
Oh, trust me, I’m exhausted! We have done so many fun adventures this summer and I am more than ready for some set schedules — both daytime activities and bedtimes. And my girls are as well. They — we all — function better with a schedule. And I know this, but seeing the end of summer on the horizon still breaks my heart.
I mean Maylie is going to preschool this year — and not for fun like last year. This year means business. It also means that I will never again have her here at home with me all year round — ever. And that thought alone is enough to put a lump in my throat.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s exciting to watch my girls flourish and learn new things. I get just as excited as Maylie when she traces a letter and then writes it without the dotted lines below it. And it’s amazing to watch them share their toys and tell strangers thank you when they hold the door for us.
But, let’s be honest, this world we are living in today is scary. Every time I turn around, I learn of a bullying situation, a suicide, a murder or an overdose. And this isn’t miles away, this is local news in our backyards and on our streets. Somewhere along the way, our world went way wrong and kids are now being offered needles and guns and being bullied to a point of no desire to live. It’s real, and it’s here among us.
And it frightens me to my core.
I mean right now, my biggest worry is if my girls are being polite, if they got enough to eat and drink that day, if they are sharing their toys and getting enough sleep. I know where they are at all times, who their friends are, and what they are doing.
My job so far as a mother has been to keep dangers away from my girls — from baby gates to sunscreen to training wheels. All I have known is keeping them safe.
And now I am just supposed to throw my baby girl into this world of the unknown. I have never done this child-raising thing before — what if I haven’t done a good job? What if kids are mean to her? Or worse, what if she is mean to other kids?
So, I will keep praying then pray some more. And keep trying my best to prepare her and her sister for the world we live in. I will fill their days with God, positivity and as much open communication that I can through the years.
And I will take the first-day-of-school pictures and post them proudly. But, I will secretly be sobbing inside — full of tears and fears. Tears of letting my baby go and fears of what she will come across in the next 14-18 years of school. Tears of how quickly time has gone and fears that I haven’t prepared her enough.
But I’ll do my best to not show her that part. Those fears and worries are my own and won’t be put on her already full 4-year-old plate. She will soon have to deal with changes and decisions and my hope is that she will feel confident in the great little person that I know she is.
For this week, we will sneak in one last pool day complete with sand castle building and two baths. Then, we just might sneak out for one more fire in our jammies and hope that the mosquitoes stay away. Because, sadly, summer and our all-year-round time together is ending. And the harsh reality is, that for the rest of her childhood, I will really only have all of her for a couple of months each year.
Whew! Good thing she is ready, because this preschool stuff sure is hard (at least on me).
Prayers for a safe and happy school year for all our babies — and a worry-free year for all of us parents.
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