First Posted: 2/18/2015
Someone has to say it: I’m sorry.
I can’t specifically say what I’m sorry about today. You know, confidentiality agreements and lawyers. They’ve taken the reason out of apologies. Corporate policies often forbid it, too. Saying sorry means you’re admitting some kind of fault or negligence. It could open you up to a lawsuit.
Instead, your answer should be, “I understand your concerns, and I hope I can resolve them to your satisfaction.”
Society says you shouldn’t apologize either. You should be proud of yourself, no matter what. Everything is someone else’s fault anyway, right? Blame it on that time your dad didn’t hug you or that time you were picked last in kickball.
Instead, your answer can be, “Anything you might perceive as my mistake should instead be perceived as a shortcoming of society.”
That all makes me a little sad about society. There’s something about social order that would just feel better if people could take responsibility for their actions and own their mistakes.
I’m not talking about that fake kind of apology, like the one I hear some men use with their wives to end a spat. (Note to exactly one reader: Rest assured, my lovely wife, all my apologies to you are genuine.)
I also don’t mean the sorry-not sorry throwaway line I hear so many people use. That’s the one where you butt in line ahead of someone and mumble an apology to the person who should’ve been next. It’s a weak apology, as it doesn’t come with the required action to make it right.
No, I mean a genuine, I’m going to learn something from this experience apology. I mean a sorry where you really do grieve over your mistake. I mean a sorry where you’ll change your life to avoid repeating that mistake.
That’s the kind of sorry I’d like to offer, when the time is right and no one in a position of authority is there to tell me it’s the wrong course of action.
We all have those things in our heads, those times where we knew we weren’t right and still didn’t do anything to correct the problem. In that regard, I’m glad I’m Catholic. At least I can get my guilt out of my system during confession. The sacrament of reconciliation gives me a chance to say sorry, mean it and feel better about it.
As for the rest of my time in society, I have to follow the rules of the place where I stand. So when I’m at work, I’ll continue to understand your concerns and hope I can resolve them to your satisfaction. When I’m in society, I’ll continue to consider all those shortcomings of society as possible explanations for my shortcomings.
In those rare moments where we’re being real with one another, though, I hope I get a chance to offer a real, sincere apology when I fault you. If not, I apologize for that too.
