First Posted: 1/23/2015
Young adults with cancer sometimes find that their families don’t want to talk about it.
Good friends might disappear. Healthy peers might incite envy.
Mary Connolly knows all that because she was diagnosed with sarcoma, a rare form of cancer, at 21. The ordeal tested her faith and gave her a purpose in life: helping other young patients navigate the physical and emotional turmoil of cancer.
Now 27, Connolly has written a book about her experience, raised $19,000 for sarcoma research, become a support-group facilitator and is pursuing a master’s degree so she can work professionally with cancer survivors.
“It’s given me a different appreciation for life,” she said. “It’s given me a desire to make a difference.”
On a recent night, Connolly led a discussion at the Young Survivorship Support Group, a program of the Arthur G. James Cancer Hospital for 18- to 39-year-olds dealing with malignancies.
Some of the discussion focused on her self-published book, Celebrate Sarcoma.
In the book, Connolly writes about family miscommunication, among other things. It bothered her that her parents, though devoted to helping her recover, didn’t talk about her illness. They didn’t want to upset her, and she didn’t want to burden them.
The chapter proved to be a revelation for support-group member Ashley Barrett, 31, a preschool teacher from Hilliard who also has a form of sarcoma.
“I was saying, ‘OK, so me and my family are not the only ones,’” said Barrett, who credited Connolly’s writing with helping her improve communication with relatives.
Jessica Wilt, a 37-year-old professional dancer who also has a form of sarcoma, found the book refreshing, she said, because it dwells not only on illness but also recovery.
“There is light at the end of the tunnel,” said Wilt, who has temporarily moved back to her parents’ home in Dublin from New York while undergoing chemotherapy.
Connolly, who grew up in Upper Arlington and has an undergraduate degree from Ohio State, learned about her illness at a particularly trying time: Her younger sister had undergone a successful operation to remove a brain tumor (tests for malignancy were inconclusive) about the time of the diagnosis of a tumor near Connolly’s right knee.
All the typical concerns of a 21-year-old — dating, friendships, life direction — are magnified by a cancer diagnosis, Connolly said.
Would the surgical scars on her leg and her need to wear a brace because of nerve damage make her unattractive? Would friends stick by her? Would the envy she felt about her peers’ carefree lives ever fade?
Despite the fears, she has found that revealing her medical history hasn’t impeded her dating life (“I guess that says good things about men”) and that her friendships are fewer but stronger (” The people who really care about you and love you are not going to walk away, no matter what you’re going through”).
The ordeal also strengthened her faith, which figures prominently in the book.
Connolly, a graduate of Worthington Christian High School, called the book Celebrate Sarcoma to reflect her belief that God had a reason for allowing the disease into her life, perhaps to lead her on a path toward helping others.
“Life really isn’t about me. It’s a lot more than that. … I really feel blessed that God gave me something so difficult that really forced me at a young age to figure out what I really believe and why I believe it.”
But she doesn’t recommend that people try to console a cancer patient with the comment ” Everything happens for a reason.” She didn’t find the sentiment comforting when she was ill.
“It’s like ‘Well, OK, but maybe don’t say that to me right now because this is really, really hard.’ I would never wish this on myself or anyone else.”
The cancer hasn’t recurred since her treatment, and she and her sister are doing well.
Connolly, who is donating any proceeds from the sale of the book to sarcoma research at the James, included a drawing of her scar on the cover as a subtle reference to her outlook on her illness.
“I think it’s a really great graphic representation of how something that was so horrible and so ugly and so difficult in my life has really become something so beautiful — and it’s giving me a passion that I didn’t have.”
