This week, while Reagan and I were practicing her batting in the front yard, she suddenly saw something brown hopping around in the grass. Immediately, she dropped her bat to inspect it and was pleasantly surprised to find a tiny toad.
Quickly she scooped it up, exclaiming that he was a “jumper,” and she needed to calm it down. Completely pumped over her new find, this little mama found it a nice home and told me she was going to look for more.
Now listen, around here, we really do not see very many toads. Maybe one or two from time to time. And while I didn’t think she would find another one, I didn’t tell her that. You see, I also remembered the joy I had in searching for them as a kid. Plus, I knew it would keep her busy for a bit, so I told her to have at it — find as many as she could.
Determined, she went to work. And you guys, I kid you not, I feel like this child’s belief in herself literally sent these toads into her path. All of a sudden, she cried out, “There’s a whole family down here!”
On her hands and knees and then down to her belly, she started digging toads from underneath the rocks in my window well to the basement of my house. First it was three or four and then a couple more. Before I knew it, she had nine toads in her little container!
But she didn’t stop there. With a giddy tone in her voice, she exclaimed, “There’s still more!” One by one, she fetched out toad after toad after toad until we were upwards of 30 toads. (It was too hard to count, as they were jumping around everywhere in their little cage, and we couldn’t tell which ones we had already counted.)
Beaming with excitement, she continued to dig out every rock and gently remove each toad as I sat in disbelief. I mean, heck, when we were kids, I was pumped to find even two toads, and here this girl was living it up with a 30-plus toad find.
All I could think about was what if I had told her what I was thinking when she first set off to find that second toad? What if I had told her to not waste her time because she probably wasn’t going to find anymore? Would she have given up and never looked for another? Would she have not believed in herself because I didn’t?
What if I had killed her excitement with what I thought was going to happen? What if we never got to experience the pure joy and surprise of finding so many of these little creatures that she is crazy about?
So many times, in life, I feel like we as parents inadvertently use our own knowledge and experience to shape the actions of our children instead of allowing them to find their own limits.
Look, I am not talking about harmful things. They need our guidance for those things.
But, just in day-to-day life, they need to figure things out for themselves. That night, I was certainly glad that I didn’t share what I thought was going to happen because this sweet, adventurous girl exceeded the highest of expectations – even hers – in her ability to find and catch toads.
Once she collected every last one of those toads, we knew what we had to do. None of them would survive in the tiny little cage she had for them, and, if I am being honest, I really didn’t want her to just dump them back into my window well. (I mean, who has 30 toads in their window well anyway!)
So, we took a hike down to the creek behind our house. I was nervous – thinking she would be bummed to let all of her newfound friends go. But not this animal-loving child. She wanted those toads to be free and have a chance at living outside of that window well.
Gently, she (and Maylie – who used to be afraid of anything that crawled or jumped and surprisingly has really embraced some of Reagan’s nature adventures) scooped every toad up and released them.
That night was magical to me, every single part of it. The belief that she would find more (completely extinguishing my disbelief), the awe and amazement of catching each one of the toads — from one to 30, and the ease of setting them free knowing those toads were better off.
I truly hope that not only does she remember that night but also that I do as I am raising her. And that I never let my doubts hinder her ability to seek out whatever it is that she is searching for.
