A break. Sometimes we just need one. Look, for a fulltime working Mama, it has been a long month! And I love my girls dearly, I really, really do. But, geesh! I need a break.
Don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful for all this extra time with them; we have done many adventures that we would not have been able to do without this quarantine. The break from the outside world has not all been bad — there has been a lot of fun and good from it. For instance, last weekend, we enjoyed so many things together as a family. With both Paul and I off on Friday, I planned three days of fun.
Almost every night last weekend, we ended with family movie night complete with dancing during the final credits. As a family tradition with my sister and her kiddos, we have always let the kids go down to the front of the movie theater to burn off some energy in the form of dancing after sitting so long through a movie. Pretty much always, we are the last ones to leave the theater and so far we haven’t been told we can’t, so it has been a fun part of our movie-seeing adventures. But there was something about dancing in the living room as a family that seemed to make it even more special than being at the theater.
After seeing all the scavenger hunt adventures on social media, I decided to give that a go on Saturday morning. From “Mommy’s favorite morning drink” (coffee) to “Daddy’s favorite thing to do” (TV), we had the girls roaming through the house looking for clues. Each clue had a packet of Kool-Aid attached. The final clue shared with them that we would be dyeing their hair with it.
But Kool-Aid, you ask? Well, a friend of mine does it on her girls’ hair. It is safe and non-toxic and actually stays for a pretty long time. And for a few years now, Maylie has asked for some sort of color in her hair. As a 35-year-old woman who has never dyed her hair, I never saw a reason or right time to, so I have always said no. But, we are locked in this house day in and day out and who knows when we will be free again. So, why not?
The result was beautiful mermaid-blue-colored hair on the tips. (No, we didn’t color their whole heads — just the ends that will grow out and be trimmed). The girls loved it — and still love it. Daily, we get the magical reminder of their blue hair that helps bring some sunshine into our current “Groundhog Day” repetitious lifestyle.
Sunday was capped off with Easter dinner as a family and even a fun new card game called “garbage” (or, as Maylie likes to call it, “trash”). All around, it was an exciting weekend with my girls and as I lay with them at bedtime Sunday night, I couldn’t help but think how grateful I was for the time together but how exhausted I was.
I was ready for Monday and my back-to-work break. And I cannot begin to explain to you how much guilt I feel for even thinking that I need a break from my own children. What an awful Mom who is ready to be away for a few days?
But see, that is what I am used to! That is what I know! Every Monday I am ready for a break from my kids to go back to work, and every weekend I am ready for a break from work to go back to my kids. Every chance I am with my kids, I try and pour everything into them. Because I know that I only have so much time with them. And just knowing that allows me to push myself to be the best Mom that I can be and make every second count.
But guys, I am currently with them every second of every day — and have been for the last five weeks! I cannot make all of them count. And even with the guilt that comes with saying it, I have come to terms that feeling like this does not make me a bad mother. In fact, I have reminded myself that this is a lot and I am allowed to feel like I need a break.
Now, that doesn’t mean I am getting one anytime soon. I mean, who knows when the world will open back up. But, for now I will keep day dreamin — with at least a little less guilt — about how glorious my next break will be.
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