Saturday night I went to bed feeling good; my house (at least my main level), was clean. Peacefully, I slept knowing that I was ahead of the game for the upcoming week on the cleaning side.
Then, within an hour after we got home from church the next day, I looked around and all of those feel-good feelings came to a crashing halt. How could things change so abruptly? Most noticeably, from every door of my house – were wet shoe prints and an abundance of crinkly, damp leaves that had made their way in clinging to the pant legs of several playing kids. Feeling frustrated and defeated, I didn’t even attempt to clean them up. After all, more leaves would make their way in by the next kid on the next trip. The leaves were just going to have to stay for the time being.
By the time I finally got around to sweeping them all up, it may or may not have been a few days later because, well, our life is crazy busy. Which means, yes, I actually had leaves just hanging out as floor décor for a day or two. Leaves that I honestly looked past for as long as I could because there were more pressing, important tasks in front of me – like laundry and lunches and lying with my babies to listen to the lengthy description of the video they watched on their tablet that day. Which, side note, the only thing worse than watching some of their eye-blinking, boring videos, is listening to them recap the entire story.
Anyway, when I finally had an evening that all was settled and caught up enough, I grabbed the broom and swept up the leaves. And oddly enough, I felt a sense of gratefulness shiver through my body. Days ago, these same leaves made me want to pull my hair out and yet, that night, I couldn’t help but be thankful that I had leaves in my house to sweep up.
Because those leaves, that meant that my babies – and all the babies who had come to play – had blissfully enjoyed a nice fall day at my house; that I have a home that welcomes a safe place to warm up before they are off to another outside adventure. As I was collecting my inside leaf pile to swoop into the dustpan, I couldn’t help but think how these leaves will not always be here.
In a few years, who knows, my kids may decide that playing in the leaves is no longer something they want to entertain. In a few years after that, they will be driving and may not want to be here at all. And after that, ugh, they may only come home on college breaks or holidays.
And my mama heart almost broke in two. Over leaves. Leaves on my floor.
It was then and there that I stopped and thanked God for those leaves in my house. I thanked God that I have the “now” of this life. Sure, it gets crazy and sometimes days drag on and fly by at the same time regardless of my desire for them to contain some sort of less chaos. But despite all of that, or maybe in spite of all of that, I get “now.”
So as I swept up those days old leaves and stared into my full kitchen sink and thought about all the laundry that still needed folded and remembered that we still had Maylie’s big project to do for school, grocery shopping needed completed, and I had work that lingered into the evening, I stopped. And then and there, I thanked God for all of it.
Every single worry on my heart. Every frustration about not getting enough done and feeling like I still had so much to do. The amount of responsibility I felt weighing on my shoulders. The very things that I often times stop and beg God to get me through, I thanked Him for.
Because this “now” that I am living – every single part of it – I have prayed for – and He delivered. Sure, I clearly didn’t understand all I was getting in the deal, ha, but I longed for this life as a mother. And honestly, I needed a reminder that all these things in front of me that may look like obstacles are really little blessings that all too soon move on to the next stage of life.
And I am not ready for that yet. So, I will continue to look around and thank God for all the parts of this stage of life we are in. Because all too soon, these leaves, they won’t be trekked in by smiling babies. And I am sure that my heart will long for all that I am experiencing now.
Happy Thanksgiving, friends.
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