A week or so ago, Maylie got a comb stuck in her hair. You guys, this child wrapped the ends of her hair in the comb and then rolled it up to her scalp like it was a curler. It was a mess!
To say I was frustrated would be an understatement. I had about 100 things to do and did not have time to literally piece out of a tangled mess one single hair at a time. But, it was my daughter’s mess, and no matter how messy it was, I wasn’t going to leave her to figure it out on her own.
So, I dropped what was on my plate at that time and went to work on it. Because as parents, that is what we do, help clean up our kiddos’ messes. But certainly not without some lessons learned during the clean-up.
In this instance, Maylie felt the tug and tear of freeing out one strand at a time. While I attempted to be as gentle as I could, there were some sections that just needed a firm tug. I grabbed another comb and pulled hairs away from the lodged comb to be able to wrap it around and free it.
At times, Maylie complained and even dropped a few tears, but I went on cleaning up her mess. We talked about how rolling combs up in her hair was not a good idea. This experience, I am pretty sure, solidified the promise that she would not do that again.
While I was annoyed at the whole situation – and how an 8-year-old did not realize that it was a bad idea in the first place – I also felt this sense of thankfulness that my daughter was still comfortable enough to come to me when she was in a mess.
You see, this mess was pretty obvious. It wasn’t like she could hide that she had a knot and a comb hanging off the side of her head. But, I also realize that as she gets older, there are some messes that she could get into that I won’t know about unless she comes to me.
As we start to come upon the preteen years (ugh, I can barely even believe that), I have heard so many horror stories of kids who withdraw. It actually frightens me and saddens me at the same time – to imagine my babies either not feeling comfortable enough to come to me or holding their messes in for fear punishment, judgment or neglect. I need my girls to know that regardless they can bring any mess to me and I will be there, potentially frustrated, but still there to piece it out with them.
I have already started the ball rolling with this. For Christmas this year, thanks to a friend who shared it on social media, both of my girls received a “Just Between Us” journal. Between the covers of this book is a stress-free zone where they can write to me about anything on their mind, and it stays just between us.
While Reagan is a little young yet and new to reading and writing, it is nice to just give each other little notes of encouragement and love – even if some of it is just in drawings or misspelled words.
Maylie, on the other hand, has embraced it. If there is something on her mind that she forgot to tell me or was too afraid to tell me, she jots it down in her journal and leaves it for me on the counter or by my bed. While nothing has been too serious thus far (thank goodness – I mean, she is only 8), I feel like it has opened the door for her to be able to communicate when she is just not sure how to voice it.
She has let me know about what I would call insignificant messes in her world – whether caused by her or not – and we can either write back and forth to resolve them, or I can bring them up in conversation the next day. Together, no matter how big or how small, we can work through any mess she feels like she is taking on alone at the time.
Because, guys, I realize that I won’t always be her No. 1 and have a front-row seat to everything she is dealing with — the mess may not be as obvious and innocent as a comb stuck in her hair. But I promise this, regardless of what I have going on, I will always make the time to be there with her through every mess that she encounters.
For now, I will provide every avenue I can to give her that outlet and continue to pray that she always knows she can bring any and every mess to me.
.neFileBlock {
margin-bottom: 20px;
}
.neFileBlock p {
margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px;
}
.neFileBlock .neFile {
border-bottom: 1px dotted #aaa;
padding-bottom: 5px;
padding-top: 10px;
}
.neFileBlock .neCaption {
font-size: 85%;
}
